I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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