oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
