thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
