I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
