Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
