i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
