her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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