I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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