looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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