I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
