is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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