I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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