so that wasnt chicken after all
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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