i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
