Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
