I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
