Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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