Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
