Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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