I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
