I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
