There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
