rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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