Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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