i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Say something about gay babies.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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