I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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