last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
