i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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