And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
