How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
