know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
