If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
