if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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