Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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