she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
