he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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