So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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