Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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