She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
