Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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