I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
