theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
