somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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