I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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