I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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