dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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