Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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