Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
