that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
