What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
